As president of Cornell University, Martha Pollack was well known for creating an atmosphere of belonging by quashing hate speech against everyone but the Jews. Given her success leading the Ivy League Institution, President Pollack has been named honorary Sheikha of Qatar where she will oversee the Diversity, Equity, and Belonging Ministry whose goal is to eliminate Intersectional Islamophobia by uniting the Sunni and Shiite Muslims. Sheikha Pollack will also outlaw transphobia and make pushing gay people off of buildings a crime. She also plans to transform the capitalist economy to a more equitable one so that everyone, except for the actual and honorary members of the royal family, will make the same salary and feel like they belong.

When asked what is the first thing she will do, she said that she would organize two teams of Muslims, one Shiite and one Sunni, and have them compete to see who creates the best ice cream flavor that characterizes the new Qatari utopia.

Sources say that the Diversity, Equity, and Belonging Ministry will be funded by monies that previous helped influence Cornell University so that it would promote Qatari values.

President Pollack, remember to bring suntan lotion!