Are you tired of muttering under your breath, hiding your thoughts behind false smiles as self-righteous twits lecture you on how to conform to the groupthink that has taken over our campus culture? The Babbling Bear feels your angst and is thrilled to offer you an outlet where you can spew your bilious wit for the improvement of mankind, all from the safety of your undisclosed location somewhere on the Internet where no one knows you are a dog.
Submissions should be 150 words or less, related to Cornell, and be free of coarse vulgarity, tortious malice, or the explicit naming of any identifiable individual who is not a bona fide public figure (because none of us need libel lawyers in our lives). The editors of the Babbling Bear reserve the right to change the title of your fake news article to suit our whims, along with anything else we think might make your story funnier. All stories will run with a snarky photo so feel free to upload some photoshop lampoon of your own, just make sure it’s not copyrighted. Speaking of copyrights, anything you submit and we edit and publish will be distributed under a Creative Commons License, available for free reuse. If you’d like to become flamingly infamous among Bear fans and foes, please choose a personal pseudonym so we can give your alter ego proper credit. But don’t reveal your real name or provide any personal contact information in case the Babbling Bear is captured by Systemic Totalitarian vigilantes and waterboarded.