The First Amendment is Not for People Who Look Like Us
After watching Professor Hans' urbane, erudite, and brilliant speech on the foundations of free...
Ann Coulter Heroes
Dear BB, You have no idea how relieved I am by not knowing the names of the brave folx who...
Paid Speech is Free Speech
We at the Bear celebrate the fact that no one interested in Cornell University's theme year of...
De-versity, De-merit, and De-llusion
I feel a sudden urge to sing The kind of ditty that invokes the spring So control your desire to...
Censorship is Inclusion
These racist, homophobic, transphobic, white supremacist posters are showing up all around campus...
Equity, Inclusion, Access, and Justice in Biology Education
Finally, STEM is becoming STEMPA—Science, Technology Engineering, and Math as authorized by...
Office of Omissions
Omission List 1) Any definition of a woman that is not approved by the Office of Omissions must be...
The Right to be Free from Structural Injustice
We at the Bear were especially happy to hear the presentation by Professor Nelson Tebbe at The...
Into the Woods
I am happy that the university spends so much money on DEI, even if it means that it will take a...
Harvard Beat Us Again
Everyone knows that free speech is code for hate speech. The FIRE rankings for free speech should...
Screw Hamlet
The Babbling Bear would like to make everyone aware of an important scientific event being...
Thank You Media Relations
When President Pollack said, “Free expression is the bedrock of democracy,” the staff at the Bear...
A Tribute to a Pirate
One of our fellow pirates, Jimmy Buffet, the author of "A Pirate Looks at Forty" died peacefully...
Chilling Effect
We at the Bear are confident, and indeed happy, that during this year of free expression,...
Woke Cornellians of the World (WCW) Divide!
Woke Cornellians of the World (WCW) Divide! Cornell is under attack by a racist group called Color...
Free Speech from a Woke Perspective
We at the Bear are looking forward to seeing and hearing Jamelle Bouie speak on Tuesday September...
Buy Vegan Baloney!
The New York Post has irresponsibly published an Op-Ed with the title Don’t buy Cornell’s PR...
Chinese Buffets
The racist and regressive decision by the Supreme Court in overturning affirmative action...
Cornellians Say the Darndest Things
Just one day after President Pollack announced that Cornell had joined the nationwide...
What, Me Worry?
When I read that President Martha Pollack joined 14 other College and University presidents to...
Cornell Principles for a Campus Culture Free of Free Inquiry
The Princeton Principles for a Campus of Free Inquiry is a dangerous document that is being...
A Royal Flush
Free speech is hate speech, and at Cornell, we must live up to our motto "Any Person, Any Study"...
Cornell’s Porcelain Campaign
Given the serious "drain" on resources we have experienced since instituting our campaign to...
Chief Diversity Officer
As a rising first year student at Cornell, I learned: As an educational institution and employer,...
Nightmare
Last night I woke up in a cold sweat. I dreamed that President Pollack was as committed to free...
Beyond Marxism
I am tired of the alt-right and Q-Anon adjacent calling our antiracist social justice movement...
87 Empty Suits
To prepare for the upcoming 2023-2024 academic year's theme of free expression, Cornell University...
OPEN THE BELIZEAN GROVE TO TRANS WOMEN
Trans women are being welcomes into women's sports and prisons, but they should also be welcomed...
Legacy and Donor Admissions
Dear Babblingbear, My friend told me about the school I don’t like, the Harvard, having some...
Solar Radiation Modification (SRM)
The White House if currently considering a solar geoengineering plan to reflect a portion of the...
Loan Forgiveness
Dear Babbling Bear, I am very concerned that our president has not yet reassured us , expressing...
Cornell Brand Acknowledgement
Based on the extensive research done by the Cornell CALS School of Integrative Plant Science...
Stop in the Name of Love
Members of the Cornell Community, Cornell University was founded in 1865 as a university where...
Scientific Experience
The Babbling Beaver is beginning to think that Dr. Peter Hotez, who is pictured below with a...
Black Reproductive Justice
We are thrilled that Cornellians are working on Black Reproductive Justice, but we are afraid they...
Know Eirself
I am tired of hearing he or she when I read a book or listen to a lecture. By now, every writer or...
Warning: Agricultural Appropriation
Just because the Cornell Plantations changed its name to the Cornell Botanic Gardens does not mean...
From Biology to Bioscientology
In order to ensure that our Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics Programs are truly...
Celebrate Juneteenth on February 12
Cornell, it is time for us to take Critical Whiteness pedagogy seriously and celebrate Juneteenth...
Racism Stops Here
If you are not an antiracist, do not even think of applying to graduate School at Cornell...
Put the Red back in Big Red: With a Hat Tip to Lenin
Cornellians of the world unite; we have nothing to lose but our chains. The Babbling Bear...
Transecology
As we all know, research and teaching in Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math (STEM) at...
Seeing an Old Friend at the Reunion
Last year at the Cornell University reunion, I missed my old friend Abe. Nobody could tell me...
Cornell: A Peculiar Institution
Juneteenth is approaching and we still see remnants of slavery at Cornell University. It is little...
Seeing Color
My partner had cataract surgery on her right eye yesterday. This morning, as we were sitting on...
I Can Tell You the Difference between a Man and a Woman
If it is OK to segregate graduation ceremonies, it is OK to segregate bathrooms (and bathing suits...
Both Sides Now
Dear Readers, This woke female writer of the Babbling Bear is going to graduate and start a job...
ChatGPT: How does the pursuit of objective truth help social justice?
I took a break from my philosophy homework on Plato and asked ChatGPT: How does the pursuit of...
Bringing Cooperation to a Fragmented World
The Babbling Bear celebrates the relationship between Lisa Nishii, Vice-Provost for Undergraduate...
Tuition for Safe Spaces
Since we pay tuition to attend Cornell, it is instructive to delve into the meaning of the word,...
Climate Change, DEI, and Free Speech: the Order is Not Only Alphabetical
The Babbling Bear is thrilled that President Martha Pollack finds it “incredibly frustrating” that...
Schoellkopf Only
In the name of Racial Justice, Smith College has done the right thing and eliminated using the...
Slope Day: Are You Kidding?
Again, the Babbling Bear is Verklempt. Slope Day? Really? Words matter. If we can change the name...
Cornell may have the First Trans President
We at the Babbling Bear do not know how to process the fact that Cornell alumnus Bill Mahar...
Cornellians Get Smart: The Cone of Silence
The Cone of Silence will be the symbol for the Free Expression Theme for the Academic Year...
Sporks
The fact that sporks exist means that the concept of forks and spoons must be discarded as a...
Cornell Hosts a Non-Inclusive Transphobic Event
The Cornell Botanic Gardens is hosting a non-inclusive transphobic event called Tiny Worlds: Build...
Antisemitism and George Soros
There has been a lot of confusion lately about whether Jews should be considered a minority group,...
Cornell Unburies a Dead White Man
What is happening to my university? Are we undoing all the good we did in the wake of the killing...
Hoodwoked
The Cornell Daily Sun just published a story entitled, President Pollack Justifies 2023-2024...
Restaurants Should Post Trigger Warnings
Yesterday when my friend and I drove from Cornell towards Canada to experience the freedom from...
This is MCGA Country?
By Jussie Biggétt, Last night, while I was walking from my apartment to get a tofu sub on...
Cornell Banner Committee
Your Story: We now join the Babbling Bear as ze participates in the Cornell Banner Committee...
Cornell Unwoke Activities Committee (UWAC)
There is disloyalty in the university when it comes to DEI, EDI, or DIE and we must put a stop to...
Science and Belonging (to the Collective)
Alice O'Connor, whose pen name was Ayn Rand, asked in her Textbook of Americanism, “What Is the...
Bye Bye Byron
We are no longer living in the systemically racist days of Lord Byron, when he wrote Canto XVII of...
STEMM is Inequitable by Nearly Every Measure
In 1998, Toni Morrison called President Clinton the first Black president: white skin...
Making Plans for another Cry-In
When the former president, whose name we shall not mention, stole the election in 2016, Cornell...
Division, Entitlement and Intimidation
I am fed up with cuteness: In a Letter to the Editor in The Wall Street Journal on March 29, 2023,...
Is One Fool’s Day a Year Enough?
At Cornell, April Fool's Day is traditionally a day to celebrate white cisheteronormative male...
Trade Matt Taibbi for Evan Gershkovich
Matt Taibbi is a journalist who was once one of us on the far left. But now he is part of a cabal...
Smarter than your Average College Bear
By College Bear College Bear: what is the benefit to free speech on campus? ChatGPT: Free speech...
The Crisis of the Intellectuals
On the 400th year anniversary of the founding of the slavocracy known as the United States of...
Where’s Mikey?
Remember Mikey? He hated everything (except for Life cereal). We need an academic Mikey who hates...
DEI Will Be Saved By Two Righteous Debaters
There has been an burgeoning outcry against Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion by the toothless and...
What We Are For
I just read an article about an event at the University of Iowa that provides the participants...
Neanderthal Day
by C. Columbo Columbus Day was removed from the academic calendar and replaced with Indigenous...
Legal Name Change Clinic
Dear readers, The Babbling Bear thought about seeking a legal name change to the Babbling Chipmunk...
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
The female cuckoo is far from a tradwife. She shows no signs of "toxic feminity" or internalized...
Help the Bear Find the Missing Link
The link is missing--the link that leads to the document that so eloquently states the reasons we...
The Bear Celebrates Women’s History Month
The Bear celebrates Women's History Month with Admiral Rachel Levine, Lia Thomas, and Laurel...
The Slippery Slope of Neurodiversity
Today, I am writing about the dangers of neurodiversity and how the term can be coopted by the...
The Litmus Test
The word litmus comes from Old Norse litmosi, which means “moss used for dyeing”. The dye was used...
Woke up! “Citizen science” is Harmful to Non-Citizens
I am calling out the Laboratory of Ornithology at Cornell University for doing "Citizen Science."...
End Times
Let's get serious. The end times are here. On January 21, 2019, Alexandria Ocasio Cortez warned us...
Power and Privilege
OK, it happened again. I am at my parent's house for winter break and I picked up one of those top...
An AntiSpeciesist Land Acknowledgement
Before the Gayogo̱hó:nǫɁ occupied the traditional homelands of the squirrels, deer, possums,...
My Professor is a Paleosapien
OK, there is no such word, but the claim is still true. The majority of what he teaches us was...
Noball Prize in Physiology or Medicine
In order to commemorate the splendid take down of Harvard's Martin Kulldorff, Oxford’s Sunetra...
Finally: A Whitelist
While even those of us who were not yet born are still smarting from the sting of blacklisting by...
Judging the Past from the Present
Until last night I resented learning about dead white men such as Francis Bacon and Isaac Newton...
Chinese Weather Balloon Lands on McGraw Tower
BREAKING NEWS As what might be the latest and greatest evidence for anthropogenic climate change...
Four Pictures are Worth a Thousand Professors
Do you remember a time when you picked up a magazine and just looked at the pictures? Here are the...
It’s the Real Thing: Med Schools in Third World Countries
Medical Schools in the United States are going out of their way to prioritize the "lived...
Become a Deaf, Dumb, and Blind Antiracist Wizard
The goal of life is to realize the absolute oneness of Ibram X. Kendi, a presence from whom the...
Laughter
TRIGGER WARNING: GEEK ALERT! The start codon is the first codon of a messenger RNA transcript...
Far from the Maudlin Crowd
Dear Diary, It was actually nice being home during intersession and arguing with my parents over...
Racism Exposed: White Toilets are Signs of Whiteness
The title almost says it all. But if you need more: White urinals and sinks are also signs of...
Deconstructing Ezra Cornell
In solidarity with the deconstruction of Martin Luther King Jr. and using his arms to represent...
The Final Delusion
At universities where self-censoring has been becoming the norm, on campus we will see more and...
The University of the Absurd
To be antiracist requires a university to become an antiuniversity. How does a university become...
Celebrate Ibram X. Kendi Day
As antiracists at Cornell, we can be proud that we got rid of Columbus Day, Lincoln's Birthday,...
A Man is the Measure of All Things
Protagoras thought that man was the measure of all things; but Protagoras did not have the...
Microaggressions Have No Place in Sports
According to the New York Post, The Suzanne Dworak-Peck School of Social Work at University of...
Temporary Housing
by Girl, 1975 Balch dormitory was my home, temporarily, in 1975. How lucky was I at 18 years old...
“Weapon Control” and the First Amendment
Catharine A. MacKinnon is my hero because she clearly expressed in an article entitled Weaponizing...
Inverting Auguste Comte’s Hierarchy of the Sciences
Traditionally, SCIENCE has been considered to be a method to acquire knowledge through observation...
Bear on the Wire
The Bear has been looking back over 2022. Sometimes a song just says it best. Like a bear...
© Goltzius
Black Body Radiation: De-centering Whiteness
In our effort to de-emphasize the scientific method in the STEM curriculum at Cornell University...
The Zir Decade and the First Great Awokening
It is telling that descriptions of the first two Great Awakenings are limited by the use of nouns,...
End the Perpetuation of Slavery at Cornell
A Cornell University website claims that our institution perpetuates slavery. If this be true, we...
When Familiar and Commonly Used Words Lose Their Meaning
According to comrade Solzhenitsyn (he/him/his), our dream of Utopia is close. He wrote that it...
Stop Living Off Racism: The 1955 Project
Now that hate speech advocate Elon Musk has his clutches around Twitter, we have started the 1955...
Fruit of the Poisonous Tree
As an absolute antiracist, I am tired of problematic half measures like removing the names of...
Emasculating Men
By Cassie Trator OK, the secret is out. Our goal is to emasculate men--either through surgery or...
Abolish Logos and Replace it with Logo(s)
By Democritus The fastest and most efficient way to stop the perpetuation of white-supremist...
A Prayer for Fair Weather
By Art Fine, Every Cornellian understands the value of a prayer for good weather when...
Another Brick in the DEI Wall
by Melody Cleft I have mentioned previously that our Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion movement...
Hans Schultz School for University Administrators
The Hans Schultz School for University Administrators has a three year program that is designed to...
Let Me Make One Thing Perfectly Clear
By Missy Conception There are misconceptions circulating around the Cornell University campus...
Tortoises All the Way Down
Jonathan Haight says that universities must choose between a telos of Truth or a telos of Social...
The New Trivium
The classical trivium based on the white pre-postmodern assumption that there is an objective...
Cornell Offers New Program in Lip Service
Cornell University in Ithaca and Weill Cornell Medicine in New York City have created a new...
The [Privileged and Offensive Royal] Society of Chemistry
We at the Babbling Bear applaud the Royal Society of Chemistry for their heroic action in...
Verklempt–Because Words Matter
by a sorry friend According to Christopher Dunn, whose was hired to be the Director of the Cornell...
Balch Before Me Too
by Girl 1975 So Balch is home to female-identified Cornell freshmen now, or should I say,...
Replace DEI Statements with Deli Statements
The Babbling Bear is taking a poll. Which statement resonates with you? Smoked whitefish on a...
A Woke Sigh of Relief
By Woke Prophet My fellow woke Cornellians, it’s been 10 whole minutes since we invented the...
Send in the Clowns
by Kelly Emmett What does belonging mean at Cornell when we clowns do not...
Who Defines and Controls Knowledge?
As a classically liberal American university, Cornell’s mission used to be to discover, preserve...
Pablum: The New Curriculum
Cornell University is happy to announce the new Pablum Curriculum. The primary goal of the Pablum...
Pin the Head on the Ostrich
By the whole Babbling Bear Team, While we at the Bear are waiting to hear a statement from...
In Praise of the Evolution of Martha Pollack
by Phreatichthys Andruzzii On April 17, 2017, one day short of the 242nd anniversary of Paul...
Anyone Have a Similar Experience?
by Anonymous. Anyone have a similar experience? OK, this might be TMI, but while I was in the...
Cornell Center for Hating Straight White Males
By the entire editorial board of the Babbling Bear We are happy to announce the creation of the...
Land Acknowledgement: Qatar, Saudi Arabia, and China
by the entire editorial board of the Babbling Bear Whether or not you are observing Thanksgiving...
The First Republican President Was a Groomer
As reported by the Lancaster Daily Evening Express, on February 16, 1861 Abraham Lincoln kissed a...
Thanksgiving with “Your Uncle”
By your nephew If you find yourself stuck at a Thanksgiving Dinner having to deal with "that...
Is it Obvious that Lori Lightfoot is African American?
by Lori Heavyhand Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot told BET.com on September 20, 2022 that [f]rom a...
So…Whose Lives Matter (WLM)?
by the entire Babbling Bear editorial board The Chicago Sun Times prints the name of every person...
I Represent Science
By Mack Avelli On November 28, when classes resume after the Antihypocrite Day Break (previously...
Stop Blaming the Victim!
By the entire editorial board The Cornell Review reported that President Pollack responded thusly...
The Seven Words You Must Say at Cornell
By Carley George Seven is the number of completion. Newton divided white [sic] light into seven...
Martha’s Philosophical Pillow
By Martha Lindell In his essay Of Experience, Michel de Montaigne wrote, “There is no desire more...
All My Loving (Parody)
Dear Fellow Babblers, A reader just sent us this parody by Remy doing All My Loving by the...
December 7: A Date which Will Live in Infamy
By Blair Erics On December 7, a date which will live in infamy, George Orwell, a fellow democratic...
The Three Virtues
By Hyde Fromue The eleven moral virtues described by Aristotle in the Nicomachean Ethics include...
A Professor’s Lament
A Professor's Lament By anonymous First they came for the Racists, but I was not a Racist so I did...
The New Biology
By Juan Half The Ithaca City School District is preparing our sons, daughters, and non-binary...
January 6: A Dark Day in History
By Rocky Normwell On January 6, 1941, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt made the transition from...
What if General Patton Were Alive Today?
By Al Dente
The Coddling of the American Butt
by Joey Buttafluko We have come a long way since 2018, when Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt...
Plants Deserve to be Studied by Scientists Who Look Like Them or at Least Identify with Them
By Phil O’Dendron Implicit bias has poked its ugly head throughout each and every field of...
Alumna Ann Coulter Deplatformed!!!
By the entire editorial board The Babbling Bear is proud of its fellow Cornellians for shouting...
Musicians Wanted
by Melody Cleft I just realized that the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion movement has no...
Grammar Policing Is Racist
By William B. Fukley Not only is there no inherent ‘standard’ of English but there must not be no...
A Question of Balance
By Justin Wayward Last month, University of Minnesota Regent Steven A. Sviggum asked a question...
ACTA’s Gold Standard for Racism and Hate Speech
by Saul Thomas Cornellians Beware! You have nothing to lose but your brains! As if the presence of...
Duck and Cover
by Abner Little Everyone knows that [t]he idea behind giving professors lifetime tenure is that...
The Antiracist Uncertainty Principle
By Hymie Wernerberg In our battle to replace systemic racism with antiracism, we turn our...
Vertebraerosion in Administrators: Due to Toxic Exposure to the Element Administratium?
by Dr. Louis Leaker A perhaps not so surprising discovery was made today when an X-ray technician...
The Bill of Lefts
by Alan Saulinsky Ph.D. In an attempt to encourage and promote a climate of Diversity,...
Colorblind
Dear Babbling Bear, I am so confused. I just read The Passing of the Great Race by Madison Grant...
To Be Diverse, We Must Fight Viewpoint Diversity
by Mark Herbcuse I applaud the person or persons who blocked the listing of a noncompliant...
To Be Inclusive, We Must Be Anti-inclusive
by Chicolini Marx IV I have noticed that there are still some miscreant faculty and students at...
The Great Leap Backward
by Owen Jessies We are proud that our beloved Cornell University is taking the Great Leap Backward...
Activists Wanted
Editor's note: A small pot of tupelo honey was accepted in exchange for publishing this...
Diversity & Inclusion: A Litterary Tale
by Dwayne Schneider I am a Custodial Services Building Care employee at Cornell University in...
How to be an Antihypocrite
by Ibram X. Kennedy In a stunning display of solidarity and honesty, heretofore unseen at any...
Don’t Save the Seal
by Carcharodonius Carcharias Thankfully, the traditional Cornell Seal has gone through a makeover...

The First Amendment is Not for People Who Look Like Us
After watching Professor Hans' urbane, erudite, and brilliant speech on the foundations of free expression, you will understand why Cornell University's theme year for free expression is demonstrating why the First Amendment should be limited, restricted, curbed,...
Ann Coulter Heroes
Dear BB, You have no idea how relieved I am by not knowing the names of the brave folx who disrupted Ann Coulter's white supremacist, hateful event! The University's decision to do nothing makes me feel so safe that I do not have to leave my dorm room in search of...
Paid Speech is Free Speech
We at the Bear celebrate the fact that no one interested in Cornell University's theme year of free expression has the opportunity to watch a recorded video of New York Times columnist Jamelle Bouie give the 2023 Daniel W. Kops Freedom of the Press Lecture, entitled...
De-versity, De-merit, and De-llusion
I feel a sudden urge to sing The kind of ditty that invokes the spring So control your desire to curse While I wokefy the verse This verse I started seems to me The Woke-antithesis of a melody So to spare zu all the pain I'll skip the darn thing and sing the...
Censorship is Inclusion
These racist, homophobic, transphobic, white supremacist posters are showing up all around campus and I am taking them down! The five values and norms of the Heterodox Way are aimed to discourage inclusion and belonging. Let's face it. People from historically...
Equity, Inclusion, Access, and Justice in Biology Education
Finally, STEM is becoming STEMPA—Science, Technology Engineering, and Math as authorized by Political Activism, and Auguste Comte's Hierarchy of the Sciences is being inverted. The Babbling Bear has dreamed of this day! The Babbling Bear is honored to announce this...
Office of Omissions
Omission List 1) Any definition of a woman that is not approved by the Office of Omissions must be omitted. 2) Any talk of colorblindness must be omitted. Cornell University is proud to announce the creation of the Office of Omissions. This will be the first Omissions...
The Right to be Free from Structural Injustice
We at the Bear were especially happy to hear the presentation by Professor Nelson Tebbe at The Fundamentals of Freedom of Expression event hosted by Cornell Law School. Professor Tebbe, who is an expert on Constitutional Law, inspired us with the soon-to-be “right to...
Into the Woods
I am happy that the university spends so much money on DEI, even if it means that it will take a long time to repair the bathrooms and other necessities. But I have been holding it in for almost two months now, and if things don't change soon, this bear will go in the...
Harvard Beat Us Again
Everyone knows that free speech is code for hate speech. The FIRE rankings for free speech should be looked at as the negative rankings for fighting hate speech. That is, Michigan Technical University (#1) is the worst university for fighting hate speech and Harvard...