The Wit and Wisdom of Cornellians

The right of Big Red Bears to babble shall not be infringed

The Wit and Wisdom of Cornellians

The right of Big Red Bears to babble shall not be infringed

Legacy and Donor Admissions

Dear Babblingbear,

My friend told me about the school I don’t like, the Harvard, having some problems because of  their admission policies. I don’t know much about that donor and legacy stuff, but from what my friend told me – he’s real smart – it looks like students like me may no longer be able to get in easily, even after their parents give Harvard lots of money. That just does not feel right. My parents graduated from Cornell and they have been donating for years, going to all those reunions and whatever, and now I’m worried that my little sister will have to go through all the same testing as everybody else. Yes, EVERYBODY ELSE. What if my parents decide not to donate anymore? I mean, why would they spend all that money and Ruth Charlotte doesn’t get in?

Without us wealthy people, who will be there to remind everybody about the beauty of Socialism? Who’s gonna urge the poor and working class folx to replace their cars and stoves and heaters with eco-friendly electric-powered appliances? Without us, the Mother Earth is going to DIE. And don’t get me started on BIPOC issues, these underrepresented people have to remember that they are oppressed. Without our input, they will forget. See, REALLY bad things happen if colleges can no longer allow legacy and donor admissions! My smart friend has also told me that without private grants and so on colleges may get in financial trouble!


My head hurts from all that thinking, and I am late for my yoga class, so I gotta go.

Sincerely yours,

Oliver Benjamin Ellsworth IV.

PS. I don’t like Harvard because my dad told me not to. Harvard and Cornell are not friends.

PS2. Socialism is the best!


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