By Jussie Biggétt,

Last night, while I was walking from my apartment to get a tofu sub on gluten-free bread, someone (I am not sure how they identified) came up to me yelling “This is “MCGA Country.” I had no idea what they said or meant. I asked, “What?” They repeated (I think),  “This is “MCGA Country.”  Again, I had no idea what they said or meant, and asked again, “What?” They repeated (I am pretty sure),  “This is “MCGA Country.”

After I said “What” again,  they said, “This is going to be impossible,” and they threw their hat to the ground, and walked off.

This morning, when I woke up, I couldn’t believe what happened to me last night so I returned to the scene of the crime. I found their hat on the grass. It was Carnelian Red, and had “Make Cornell Great Again”  embroidered on it. What is going on?