by Abner Little

Everyone knows that [t]he idea behind giving professors lifetime tenure is that this will enable them to speak out freely. But it would be hard to name any other occupation with a more cowardly record than academics, who have been giving in to politically correct campus bullies ever since the 1960s.

So, we decided to fill an underserved niche and design and build special eco-friendly desks made from natural, green, toxin-free materials grown in an ethical, sustainable, and environmentally-friendly manner. Each desk is specially designed to be safe, comfortable, and guilt-free. We guarantee that one could comfortably hide under our desks for long periods of time—up to four decades.