There is an old joke about a man who is dating three women and must decide which one to marry. The joke, although risqué, perfectly captures the decision-making process in today’s postmodern colleges and universities.

Here’s the joke:

A man is dating three women when he decides that it is time that he got married. To help him decide which one to marry, he gives them a test. The test involves giving each woman $10,000 and seeing what they do with the money.

The first women spends the money getting a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, buys new make up and several new outfits. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second women spends the money on “man gifts.” She buys him a new set of golf clubs, new computer games, and very expensive clothes. She tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third women invests the money in the stock market. She trebles the $10,000. She gives him back his $10,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Again, the man was impressed.

Which woman did he marry?

The one with the largest breasts.

You may need to know what a woman is to appreciate this joke.

Now re-tell this joke in a less risqué way about an academic search committee looking to hire a faculty member or an administrator.

Make up a test related to the institution’s said mission of teaching and research to decide who to hire.

Then have the associate dean, vice provost, or associate director of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion choose whom to hire.

Whom would he/she/they hire?

This is a rhetorical question. College and university hiring has become a joke (at the taxpayers’ expense).