Yesterday when my friend and I drove from Cornell towards Canada to experience the freedom from tyranny created by Justin Trudeau, we stopped at a restaurant to grab a bite to eat. The only thing we knew about the restaurant was that there was a sign outside that said “soft serve.” The restaurant even had Tesla charging stations, although our EV did not need a charge.

Unsuspectingly, we sat in a booth by the window and ordered, the food came, and we ate. It seemed that all would be well. Then we stood up and saw over the counter in the restaurant, a television with FOX News on. Even though the Chyron reported great news, just seeing FOX News made me feel like hurling. My friend almost fainted. Seeing FOX News on the television ruined the whole lunch and, in fact, the whole day. We just got in our EV and drove back to Cornell.

We stewed all the way back. I was thinking that I could get the Student Assembly to pass a resolution mandating restaurants to post trigger warnings saying that they have FOX News on. Then I realized that within the Student Assembly’s jurisdiction, there are no televisions with FOX News on it.

Still, Cornellians need protection form fascist propaganda. Perhaps the New York State Legislature or Governor Hochul herself will mandate that restaurants that show FOX News in New York State must post a trigger warning outside.

After all, a mandate would eliminate the need to clean up after those who do actually hurl.