The Wit and Wisdom of Cornellians

The right of Big Red Bears to babble shall not be infringed

The Wit and Wisdom of Cornellians

The right of Big Red Bears to babble shall not be infringed

Office of Omissions

Omission List

1) Any definition of a woman that is not approved by the Office of Omissions must be omitted.

2) Any talk of colorblindness must be omitted.

Cornell University is proud to announce the creation of the Office of Omissions. This will be the first Omissions Office at any university or college in the country, and its function will be to increase wellbeing and belonging. It seems that some of the current angst on campus arises when people wonder what they should or should not talk about or even think about. Our office, which will always have cookies, ice cream, and big red teddy bears available, will continually update the community with a list of what should never be discussed nor questioned.  Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson serves as a role model of what to do when someone brings up an omitted topic. When asked what is a woman, Justice Brown Jackson gave the excuse that she could not answer because she was not a biologist; but today, hardly anyone will admit that they are a biologist, because now all who claim to be a biologist rather than a social justice warrior, are called transphobes, and indeed they too should be omitted.

To belong on campus today, everyone should just play what used to be called D & D before the meanings of the D words were omitted.

The Office of Omission will create a campus climate that resembles the seaside climate that existed on the waterfront in Elia Kazan’s film On the Waterfront.

		Father, one thing you got to understand.
		On the dock we've always been D 'n D.

		D 'n D?

		Deef 'n dumb.

Currently, the most important omission is to never ever question the obvious fact that women can only be defined by self-identification. Any other definition of a women is transphobic and a sign of being a white supremacist biologist-adjacent transphobe that should be omitted. There is no arguing this point. Period. In addition, no one should ever mention the names of Riley Gaines, Paula Scanlan, and Kim Russell or even think about them.

Everyone must proclaim that every self identified women has the right to belong to any women’s sports team and to belong to any of the sororities. This is the true and virtuous meaning of belonging.

Everyone must also rally around the stalled correction to Title IX regulations proposed by the Department of Education that would allow true and virtuous belonging at every campus in America.

The next installment from the Office of Omissions will deal with the elimination of any talk of colorblindness.



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