The Wit and Wisdom of Cornellians

The right of Big Red Bears to babble shall not be infringed

The Wit and Wisdom of Cornellians

The right of Big Red Bears to babble shall not be infringed

No Kings

No Kings

To continue my support of "No Kings" on a daily basis, I commit to no longer reading any books by...

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Misslips

Misslips

In this difficult time when even our President makes misslips when it comes to upholding our core...

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Nightmare

Nightmare

Last night I woke up in a cold sweat. I dreamed that President Pollack was as committed to free...

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Sporks

Sporks

The fact that sporks exist means that the concept of forks and spoons must be discarded as a...

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End Times

End Times

Let's get serious. The end times are here. On January 21, 2019, Alexandria Ocasio Cortez warned us...

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Laughter

Laughter

TRIGGER WARNING: GEEK ALERT! The start codon is the first codon of a messenger RNA transcript...

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No Kings

To continue my support of "No Kings" on a daily basis, I commit to no longer reading any books by Stephen King, nor the U.S. Constitution, which was signed by Rufus King. I pledge to no longer read any speeches or books by Martin Luther King Jr. I also pledge to no...

Cornell University Center for Combatting Antisemitism

A nepo baby, Vladimir Potemkin, great grandson of Russian Field Marshal Grigory Potemkin has been chosen to design the Cornell University Center for Combatting Antisemitism. Vladimir got his degree in Architecture from the Cornell University School of Architecture in...

This Year’s winner of the Claudine Gay Award for Brilliance

This Year’s winner of the Claudine Gay Award for Brilliance goes to Northwestern’s President Schill specifically for answering a question about why anti-Semitism training is not offered at the Northwestern University campus in Qatar. The Washington Free Beacon broke...

Cornell University Changes Logo

In order to appease the Orange Man and try to regain some of the federal money of which we are entitled, Cornell University has decided to change its logo. The new logo, pictured above,  will last until Inauguration Day, 2028. We certainly hope that this ruse works....

Is Hiring in Academia a Joke?

There is an old joke about a man who is dating three women and must decide which one to marry. The joke, although risqué, perfectly captures the decision-making process in today's postmodern colleges and universities. Here's the joke: A man is dating three women when...

Cornell University to Sell Indulgences

As a way of mitigating the dire loss to humanity caused by the stop work orders and the funding freeze resulting from the illegal Executive Orders of the Orangeman, the Trustees of Cornell University have decided to sell indulgences so that humanity will continue to...

Vote for Harris/Walz or Someone May Say Something Hateful

Retired President Pollack spent the past year trying to dismantle free speech at Cornell and replace it with civil disobedience. However, the Theme Year for Freedom of Expression was not entirely successful because there are still pockets of free speech at Cornell...

Bring Hugo Chávez Statues to Cornell

Far-right anti-government extremists are currently ravaging Venezuela. They are toppling the giant and beautiful statues of Hugo Chávez claiming that the election of the late president's handpicked successor, Nicolás Maduro was rigged. The far-right anti-government...

Martha Pollack Named Honorary Sheikha of Qatar

As president of Cornell University, Martha Pollack was well known for creating an atmosphere of belonging by quashing hate speech against everyone but the Jews. Given her success leading the Ivy League Institution, President Pollack has been named honorary Sheikha of...